Saturday, February 04, 2017


That is exactly how i am feeling now.
No mood for case reports. thesis.. etc!
Another 4 more months to 3rd yr Masters and 2 more months to Europe trip with wifey and MIL.. Hopefully able to do so...
🔝 fark .

Saturday, June 25, 2016

is money really everything? but without sufficient of money u wont be doing anything.

Dun think it's practical doing ChM as it cost rm 60k. Wher u find this money??
My car needs more maintainence..
when will I start earning some decent income?
Will I deviate when I start thinking like tis??
Ultimately I guess its ones own good fortune tat will give u tat content that u want.

Sunday, June 05, 2016

human revolution please

They r growing up so fast.. both of them r too cute to resist.
On another note. Just had an arguement with this ed mo... hard headed as fark, she really dunno what's she talking about . . But I have to stay cool as well. Really, no point argueing if the intention is non value creating, yes??
Coz in the end the person that felt it the most is myself. Really need to do some human revolution.Going to CTC on monday onwards.. need to start studying again. Really. Mustn't waste anymore time! 

Saturday, May 14, 2016

almost a yr

It's been almost one year since ive join the program. Time flies.

but I wish time could fly even faster. .can't wait to finish the sit for my exits.

dad has been away for almost 4 yrs now. I am sure dad will be so proud of my achievement so far... hopefully I would continue to improve & up grade myself.

my goals for the next 3 yrs are :

1. to complete my thesis by 3rd year.

2. To pass chm and pass frcs I by end of 3rd yr. 

3. To pass frcs II by mid of 4th yr.

4. To pass masters exits Iin 1st attempt.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

2nd week in the programe. Lotsa politics.lotsa things to becareful about.
must reflect on thibgs I tell and expression of opinions.

Saturday, June 06, 2015

D5 in ppukm as a surgical masters student. Life isn't easy here.
Those regs r jst too much. Deliberately wanting me to kena.. luckly i survived today's 
challenge. Will not let them hav the last laugh.. Those whom belittled the votary of lotus sutra will not be happy in life. I must bounce back even harder everytime they try suppressing me . Must read more. This is the best place for training. I am finally on the right track and i promise i will shine again like a jewel in the desert. 

Monday, June 01, 2015

finally back on track

Can't believe it's already been one yr plus since i came back from Singapore.
Many things has happened. I finally got into the masters programme.
i am also a trainee lecturer in one of the private medic uni. Currently in b&e.need to
gain that confident to see patients. Need to start thinking of doing
chM. Need to chant more daimuku again.
I will win over this posting. My objective is to be the best masters
trainee in a surgeon of a knowledgeable
and passionate educator.

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Saw Desmond Oii, 2 days ago when i was on call in SICU, he proudly told me that he heard some news regarding  i did well the ATLS, and apparently the committee is considering recommending me to go for the ATLS instructor course. So far i think Desmond is the most genuine person i met here... .. but i dun wanna feel pressure of proofing to others that i can do it.. constantly showing others that i can do it, is that even healthy at all??

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Why Am I Here?

Why am i here.. ?
According to the Law of Cause and Effect, there must a Cause ; some how some where that i have made to end up here; in this Effect, this agony. Chanted sincerely this morning for all my wrong doings...
Really missed my family, this is Pakistan and Teluk Intan all over again though in a way, it reaffirms the most important thing in my life and make me realised that for the past one year, i have been taken many things for granted.

Surgery No Surgery .. ??
Some how deep in my heart, I feel there is Hope. 
And with Hope, there will never be a deadlock...

Monday, May 12, 2014

Finally I'm here in Singapore..
My dream of coming here since i failed out Masters ENT in 2009 had finally came true... Only to find out that Singapore is really not for me. The working environment here is too in tensed..for no particular reason. People here tend to wanna put up a confident front.. but for some of them, or at least the ones that i have met so far are not as solid inside as they r showing on the outside, so what they do, like anyother MOs in Malaysia, they use their power to order people around, insist on their points and talk loudly to others.
I pity them sometimes... how on earth they r going to survive like that for the rest of their surgical life??
I should have seen all these coming as before i came here i was already carrying a heavy heart.
Now I'm all alone, I'm not here nor there. Resigned from the government in malaysia..being here for only one month plus...
Initially completely lost hope of picking up surgery again after being traumatised by the people here.... but somehow still wanting to pick up my books and keep reading, i thought it's a sign.
Although I'm so stressed up in the HPB team, somehow i still find it interesting..
No, i wont leave this place bcoz of the people here, i wont leave here bcoz i cant adapt.
I will leave this place when I am really sure of what i truly want in my life!!! I want to be Happy again!
Somehow i feel tat i should have contributed more for patients in Malaysia, i can do more in Malaysia. Malaysia need me more than Singapore.
I felt this before i came here... but i came anyway.
Maybe I really need to come here to realise that the grass is really not greener on the other side...Money is good here, i don't think i could ever earn this much in my life again..
Malaysia is bad, but by leaving the country will not do anything good... I should be staying there to continue to make a difference... even a small difference will do.
The next question is ... when is the best time to resign??
Need to really chant my heart out and connect with Sensei.. Need to come back to the prime point why i want to be a doctor and a doctor for kosenrufu..

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

It's time

It's time.. i can feel it. this is the best time to go. things are slowly handed over and settled. Lets just take the 1st courageous step!!

Friday, January 17, 2014

Start of 2014

It's been a while since I've last written a post.
It's been a while since i feel motivated..
I am still waiting for a reply from SMC ..waiting and waiting, fearing if there's gonna be another setback on my application.
Should i be fearing?? Why?
But I have achieved the so-called "Impossible"
Looking back in year 2013, i think i have done quite a lot and progressed quite a bit.
I've finally got the title, MRCS(Ireland), I am more comfortable in doing laparoscopic appendicectomy now,
I've done one laparoscopic cholecystectomy under supervision,skin-to-skin,about 1 hour. Done 2 hemithyroid under supervision, more comfortable in raising flaps in mastectomies.
I vividly remember a phase in the "Precepts For BrassBand" given by Ikeda sensei which goes; "one year's growth of lay organization should be equivalent to 10 year's growth of other organization, the BrassBand should advance like manner. "
This has been what i reminded myself everyday,pushing that limit in me... until now.
Some how, I know I'm stagnant.. Lost of motivation..fear of loosing...
Must re-charged myself once again spiritually...must chant more.
Must feel sensei again, must be connected to Dr boey's aspirations, must do all these with dad again..
Lets start creating values while I am still here in Ampang and Malaysia..
To everyone around me... Lets make the best out of every moment and every opportunity given.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Exactly one month ago.. i passed my MRCS viva. And a day after that in the evening at 330pm, i chanted so hard and resolutely that the best thing will prevail in my life, that i dont need to re-sit for another exam to be a good surgeon..that if i passed the clinical&oral communication skills ..i pledged to be a compassionate surgeon ; mystically at 3.30pm, i vaguely saw a figure of sensai raising both his hand upwards forming a "Victory pose" at the centre of the character "MYO"..i knew something significant was going to happen...
I cried so hard the moment i realised that my examination number appeared on the passing list in the notice board of Penang Medical College..It's like a dream had finally came true, after all these years of hard work. I I ve finally got a full MRCS! It's Dr SKL, M.B.B.S(Dow), MRCS(Ireland).
That being said ,a month has passed... ironically i still couldnt decide on my path.
But i know, for sure, no matter which path i choose from now onwards, i will have no regrets.
and from now onwards, i will dedicate my life for kosenrufu..will win together with Ikeda sensai on Nov 18th.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

so long as u dare to dig it all up and chant through and through along with taking actions, Gohonzon will dare to give it to u! It's all in U. Winning or losing rest on a fine line.

Monday, January 21, 2013

not to be afraid, to bring out one by one from the depth of our heart the things we wish to achieve.. regardless of what, even have failed many times..bring them all out one by one clearly and chant for it seriously while taking actions.will do this and win together with sensei,dr boey and dad.

Friday, January 11, 2013

law of attraction. what the heck is that??
i ve no idea except some brief googling here and there which i sumerized it as what u think is exactly what u are gonna get!!
oh well.. hope it works coz i'm listening to it now!!

A pic i took at the silver temple.

till then.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

This is a chic i saw in the night market of chiangmai during xmas season.She plays the violin well too by the way.Im speculating maybe she is just there on the street trying to gain some public apperances/experience and not solely due to the money???

My eldest daugther is growing up fast. Now she is now vocal on the things she dislike.Hmm..both of them are so cute and i really would like to see them grow up to be someone great. Great in life that is.

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Just received my platinum credit card.. sighs.. so many cards but not actually that much content in it!
dunno what to write.. xian!!
In my wildest thoughts, i really dun wanna get into a programme again only to get kickedout the second time.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

one thing i have learnt today and will remember for the rest of my life is that i should trust myself and do things that i'm confortable with.
yes i agree on life is short but its actually longer than you think it is~!
lets just break through that resilent wall and see how much more reserve you have.
till then.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Just came back from chiangmai with mom wife daugther sisters and bro-in-law.
Quite a relaxing trip apart from the slight symptomatic food poisoning...
was shooting most of the pics with my d90 on the 50mm 1.4.
pics turn out to be great except needing to step back a little/lots everytime i shoot... pics quality was superb,
weight of the camera was bearable but when u had to hang it around ur neck for the whole damn day..and need to carry the 'ili rascal with one hand, coz the other hand need to take pics..there were moments i wish my gear was a bit more lighter..

*below is the eggplant tat mom planted..not bad huh?!! *

so after the experience of having to hang the camera around my neck for the entire trip, i dont think getting the 14-24mm f2.8 is a practical choice,though it produces superb picture quality which is what i am up for..
 And getting the D800 is also not an option as its too heavy..

*a xmas ball home *

And the D600 currently, besides from being slightly over price, i dun really like its built quality..
so i guess a wiser choice is to wait for the next FF camera body and next superb wide angle lens nikon has to offer.. or if the price of D600 crashed!!
mean while, i'll just be shooting with my d90 coupled with the 50mm 1.4 or occasionally kit lens when there's good lighting and to feel appreciative of the pics i take.

merry xmas to whom may be reading this all.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

15 december. Time really flies..
had a great meeting at dr boey's place today.
lets win no matter what..Winter will never fail to turn into spring!!
here are few pics of what im into recently..

Few months ago i bought this :)

harrelson trumpet heavy bottom caps!!

all the way from the states.

Then this week i got this... or bought this! :)

                                                   heavy top caps.

One of my dream is to be able to play the trumpet beautifully.. and to do that besides practise i need lessons..
which is not a luxury for me right now.
Will see how..... one day. someday. It will come true.